First Stop St. Louis

I sit at the bar and pretend I’m a friend of the brunette girl sitting nearby. I ask her how she’s enjoying Ayn Rand, because she reading (or pretending to read) “Atlas Shrugged”. What a bloated piece of crap. The book, not the girl. I ask what she thinks of Ayn’s hard lined capitalist views….
She ignores me.
Soon her friends, who I dub “Barbie” & “Ken” (because I’m so fantastically clever), join us. I can only assume they are a couple. Not by their intimacy level with each other, but by their carefully coordinated designer clothing and eau de toilette smells.
The bartender, who looks like Bernie Mac, is busy cheering on the horse races. I call him Isaac. Because he’s black.
“Barbie”, “Ken”, and my brunette friend start joking about ditching the wedding they are in town for. I suggest they visit beautiful East St. Louis.
They stare at me for an uncomfortable second… Then “Ken” comments about how he’s “really hungry for some FUCKING FA-HEE-TAHS!”.
I want a smoke. Too bad…. Apparently you can’t smoke anywhere in St. Louis under penalty of death.

James Gandolfini sits down across the bar & gives me the finger.

Fuck him.
“Barbie” orders a Crown & Coke. “Ken” (I can only assume following my lead) orders a Jameson neat. I’m pretty sure he has no idea what this is, since when Isaac delivers, his nose wrinkles as he lifts it to his lips.
I check my watch…
No, really I check my cell phone for the time, because I don’t wear a watch…
No, actually I check my wireless communication device for the time, because cellular technology went out with slap bracelets and fanny packs…
and because I don’t have a watch.
6ish… I’ve got time.
I downshift from Jamesons and ask Isaac for a beer. He tells me to stop calling him Isaac, his name is Reese. Huh.
“Ken” is telling a hilarious story about one of his frat brothers getting caught masturbating in his car. “Barbie” keeps looking over her shoulder trying to see what I’m writing..
Mind your own business you meddling bitch!
Uh oh, I think she read that. Oh no, she’s whispering to “Ken”. “Ken” looks angry. He stares me down hard. I turn the tables and ignore them. “Ken” is thrown off, & continues his diatribe about calling in to work to go on a 24 hour pub crawl.
Did I mention that “Barbie” has a nice ass.
Brunette drinks another… coffee?! “Barbie” & “Ken” are nursing their drinks.
I check my… Well, I look to see what time it is. 6:15. I’ve got time.
Sophie & Biff come up & greet Tiffany (formerly “Barbie”) & Ken (formerly “Ken”)
Another really cute Brunette sits down across the bar next to Gandolfini. She gives me a sensuous stare… HOT!…
Then she gives me the finger.
Did I mention I’d like to smoke?
Another group comes up to Ken, Tif, Sophie, Biff, and my brunette friend joking about doing some Irish car bomb shots. They are obviously also going to the wedding. I am obviously not.
“Bruce”, from the new group starts ordering a bunch of pussy drinks, and I say, “Hey Bruce, what about those car bombs?” Mostly they ignore me, but “Bruce” takes a couple seconds to leer at me. I’m sure he & Ken are great friends.
I check the time…
Again…
“What are you writing?” asks Tif, “is it like, your diary or something?”
“Something like that”, I reply, “a diary of people who annoy me that I want to kill.”
“Ohhhhh, ha ha, ah, wha… ohhh..” she stammers as her and her party stand to leave.
“Have a fun wedding”, I say, just a bit sinisterly.
“You too” she replies.
6:30
If I leave now I may be able to hole up in a dumpster and have a smoke before my bus leaves.